On Work-Life Balance: Is It Really a Thing?

We are constantly reminded we should work to live and not live to work. However, can we actually build great things while pursuing this goal?

It all started right after High School. I began working with my parents in a network marketing company. I loved the company’s mission: it made me feel empowered. It was about making people healthier and happier.

Calling it my first job sounds strange. After all, most people end up in MLM companies while looking for a side hustle rather than an actual job. Somehow, I’m happy I ended up there through a different path.

Year one was all but work. I remember having fun at the meetings, at the conventions, at all the events we organized for training, clients, new coaches, and so on. I was still in party mode. A little kid who’d just discovered what life is after summer homework.

Then reality started to hit. I was living with my parents, and years before I had dreamed of moving abroad as soon as I would have been free.

Through network marketing, I learned incredibly useful skills. I was learning how to sell, how to talk to strangers, how to present myself and my business, how to speak on camera, how to work on my emotions, how to deal with my shadows and fears, and so much more.

But without anything else really going on, I got sucked up into a work tunnel.

Weekends were for training and events – weekdays were for work or thinking about work.

Then Covid hit, and it just got worse. Now, I was stuck at home, and work became organizing calls and training through a screen. However, I was deeply unsatisfied. I constantly thought, “Am I just still bad at this, or is this just plain wrong for me?”

However, the battle inside was really about not wanting to give up just for the sake of finding something easier. I wanted to succeed and show others I could do it so that I would not feel guilty about quitting.

Looking back, I know I was working a lot, but I was really avoiding real work. I’m glad I had this experience, even though, at the time, all of that seemed pointless.

Some of the messages I was exposed to during those years went something like…

“Work while others are partying, and you’ll be partying while others will still be working.”

Which, on paper, sounds terrific. The truth is this mindset was stealing from me all the energy, happiness, enjoyment, and other good things a 20-year-old should be experiencing.

The constant pursuit of “being and doing better” was the wrong way there. I no longer think this mindset can be healthy in any way.

Today, I try to live by keeping this other message in mind:

“Be grateful for what you already have while you pursue your goals. If you aren’t grateful for what you already have, what makes you think you would be happy with more.”

The first time I read this, it hit hard. Even though I thought I was happy already, I was overweight, stressed, deeply unsatisfied, with self-esteem under my feet, and in three years of “working hard,” I hadn’t accomplished anything.

I was still comparing myself to others in the same field on a daily basis. I was still fake smiling. I was still trying to force myself into liking what I was doing even though I just wasn’t giving any space to consider other paths.

I now profoundly believe whenever we force something, it isn’t meant for us.

And forcing is very different from putting effort into it.

When you put effort into a path that is right for you, you always see some sort of results. In work, those might not look like money. They might be a feeling of deep alignment and satisfaction, might be some happy clients who didn’t pay a thing, or might be more followers or thank you messages.

In relationships, this is clear.

Forcing a relationship looks like always being with somebody who feels utterly disconnected from you. You keep rationalizing the relationship. You try to convince yourself this partner is the right one. Thoughts like “Well, he is such a nice man. And he’s doing all he can. I should be happy. Maybe something is wrong with me. I should try changing.”

Putting effort into the right relationship feels smooth. You go, hit a trauma wall, your partner supports you in tearing it down, and you feel deeply relieved. He now knows you better, and he’s still there. And you’re more vulnerable but feel stronger. It takes courage, and it’s scary, but it pays well. It is very different from forcing the outcome.

Relationships are like business. Work hard, play hard only works if you’re in the right business for yourself.

I might change my mind in the future, but right now, at 25, this is where I stand.

I just closed the third year of business as a freelance writer and content creator; I’m building a team of freelancers, and I’m putting A LOT of effort into it. But, all in all, it flows. Today, I choose this path because my efforts are followed by results. And I never had to force them.

So, when I was in network marketing, all I was doing was living to work. I was chronically stressed, constantly feeling behind, always self-doubting myself, being rude to myself, blaming and criticizing myself.

It was harsh.

Free time looked like wasted time. Time spent with friends felt like I wasn’t spending with clients or prospects. Meanwhile, the pursuit of perfection was drowning me in eating disorders.

I decided I would quit when I realized the future would have looked just as bad as the first years. There was no prize for crying all nights.

I’ll admit it: it’s not like today I found the perfect balance.

Some days, I still get stressed. Some days, I still have way more work than I wish I had. Some days, I still have doubts about the future.

But looking back at the last three years of business, I have zero regrets.
I have traveled. I have spent time with friends, in Italy and abroad. I have moved three times. And now I live in Milan because I met someone and decided it was worth changing country.

I no longer feel guilty when I take a day off to just relax by a pool or take a night off to go to the movies and spend some extra money on caramel popcorn.

I’m working and living, but work-life balance is still a concept that makes me knit my brows.

I think in our twenties, and maybe in our thirties too, it’s okay if the work-life balance leans a little further to the work side. After all, we should be building solid foundations for the future. At the same time, work-life balance in our fifties and sixties should definitely be leaning more toward the life side of the coin.

But when work-life balance is taken as an excuse to say, “I’ve worked too much today,” then I know something is off.

There is no working too much when you are deeply committed to building something great that excites you like a little kid. That is one part of living. And a very thrilling one.

If working feels like a chore, then it’s not work-life balance what you need to work on.

I do believe great things are build with effort, but not by straining, suffering, or forcing.